I have been reading a lot these last few months. Books. Not magazines with pretty pictures; books with no pictures and lots of words. Inspiring words from inspiring authors. Which is unusual for me, because I'm usually more of a doer and not a reader.
Maybe it's because my hands, my back, and my mind were more tired from 6 years of pouring my whole self into Patina General than I realized.
Maybe it's because I'm in major life transition of what I'm supposed to be doing right now.
Maybe it's because I'm still muddling through my emotions and trying to figure them all out...is it anger, failure, and resentment, or relief, contentment, and freedom? Probably a bit of everything rolled into a big, sloppy mess.
And that's why the perfectly photographed magazines with "this many ideas to..." are collecting dust on the coffee table, and the stack of inspirational, christian books are getting highlighted. Because life is messy, and I don't want to look at contrived perfection right now. I want to wallow; sink into God's Word and drown myself in deep thinking.
Because I've been here before. I know it will pass and I will make it through this transition. I just need to refill my tank. Slow down...even stop. And let the I.V. drip of the Bible, prayer, and lots of good books replenish my fluids.
Emily P. Freeman's book, A Million Little Ways was the perfect medicine. Her tag line for the book is, "Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live".
She says we "are all poems, individual created works of a creative God". She encourages us to uncover the art that God made us to do. That which is most true, not what can sometimes be seen on the surface. It can take time, space and solitude to figure out what that is.
I'm there. I need to take this time to think, regroup, pray, read, and write.
Self-identity. I make art and love to make things creatively beautiful, but I am not my art. I am God's art.
My art-making spirit was exhausted. Recreating everything around me was a physical drain, and dragging and pushing others into the art-making when they didn't want to, wore me down. When what you think should be fun, they see as torture creates misery for all. I realized, "I can't do this anymore", and I felt an internal confirmation, but then there was grief. Emily says her natural inclination is to escape, shut down, shut out, and close up.
Yep. All 5, or is it 6 seasons of Gilmore Girls, laying on the couch. That was spring, 2016. My escape from the world. Beginning stage of grief over losing something sacred. Because Patina General was my dream and my fulfilled reality for a long time. Something I was proud of and loved, and thought was the culmination of all my creativity.
But I'm moving on...to reading, and soaking, and thinking, and writing. Emily's book is perfect to help re-establish who I am in God's sight and try to figure out the art He wants me to live out next.
I know that God has always guided my creativity, and provided many artistic adventures through the years. I am so thankful for the fun I've had, the friends I've made, and the opportunities he's given me to create. But this year, I sensed a change on the horizon. My word for the year is "New", and I'm waiting for direction as to where this poem will go next.
I'm waiting, and enjoying the wait. Because it's nice to read, and rest, and write about all the adventures and insights I've had these last years.
It's been great. And I'm telling myself it can be great again. With something "New".
As Emily tells me, I am God's poem. I want to inspire others for him. It won't be in a store anymore, as a shop owner. But I know He wants the art in me to come out another way. And I know He will make it obvious at the right time. He will make the circumstances fall into place and lead me where He wants me to go.
So, I'll keep on reading, and praying, and writing. The mailman delivered my next bits of comfort and inspiration today...
But definitely read A Million Little Ways. Your heart will thank you.
Lora, this in itself is a peek into your soul and so beautiful. As I read the book, I had longed to sit and sip tea (Good Earth) with you and talk over the words that moved us into wondering, thinking choosing, resting, ...etc. I checked this book out of the library and now I think I am going to have to own it because there were too many words to pocket and ponder. My heart is inching towards a peace that God has something planned perfectly, timely, and just for me. I smile that you have that same trust. Blessings on this Journey for more of God to reveal His masterful art to you and for Him to reveal the masterful art that He has placed in you.
Posted by: Tonia Halley | Monday, August 22, 2016 at 05:10 PM
Said so beautifully, Tonia:) Thanks for reading & sharing.
Posted by: Lora Bloomquist | Monday, August 22, 2016 at 05:27 PM